An Anniversary

Today 13 years ago I was sitting among I think about 4500-5000 people towards the back of Grace Community Church in LA California. The evening service began at 6pm. It was an evening of baptisms. One after another I heard repeated testimony of the transforming grace of Jesus Christ in the life of individuals who were born lost. Lost and blinded to the truth of God’s powerful grace and love. As I sat there, the lights dim in the massive auditorium of the church, I began to reflect “wow there are a lot of people here . . .what would I say if I had to do that? It must be so intimidating.” As my mind dwelled on that I was challenged...what would I say? The verse Galatians 2:20 came to mind “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” The interesting thing is, in my life that verse actually read thus: “I have in fact not been crucified with Christ. It it still me who lives. Me who lives in me. And the life I live in the flesh I very much live in the flesh for me and my own glory.” me, me, me, me, me. So I pondered, ‘what would I say?’ I don’t have a testimony like these people. I don’t have a time in my life when I sacrificed everything, turned away from myself and relied fully on God to make me acceptable to Him in order to have a relationship with him. Everything I did was for my own glory not for His. In that moment I was scared, challenged and confused. I prayed a somewhat apathetic prayer . . . “Lord, I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t know if this is a prayer of salvation or a prayer of recommitment. I know what is right and true, but I don’t live like that. I do it all for me. So please help me to live for You and no longer for my own glory. I need your help I can’t do it on my own’.

As I prayed that last portion the light went on (figuratively, that is, I’m sure in the sanctuary the lights were still dimmed and the organ was moving from one minor chord to the next slowly introducing the first of 13 passing notes). I was trying to live as a Christian in my own strength and not give my life wholly over to the One who made me and made the provision for me to have a relationship with Him. My life since that moment changed in amazing ways. The joy, oh the inexpressible joy I experienced in those days after that turning point of salvation!! It was such a sweet time of growth. A heart increasing in compassion toward others, humility before God and man and I do believe a general pleasantness began to grow in my heart. One character that defined me in the days before my relationship with God began was a meanness, feeding from pride and selfishness. I had someone tell me that once. We went to college together and she didn’t know me well until after I was a Christian, but she said “I had no right to think this, because I didn’t know you, but I just thought you were mean” I was impressed with her interpretation because it was entirely true! I praise God for the faithfulness He has shown to me. Protecting me from myself and proving faithful in the trials and challenges I have encountered in this temporary life on earth. With each passing year my heart continues to long for His return and I often find myself praying, ‘Come Lord Jesus, come!’. (Ordinarily I would post a photo. Thankfully I do not have a photo of myself from 13 years ago . . .)